I can’t eat chocolate like I used to

Christmas is a celebration of food in general, but Easter is all about chocolate. I can hear whispers of roasted lamb, simnel cake and hot cross buns, but really, it’s the chocolate that takes center stage.

When I was little, Easter was my favourite holiday. It meant more time playing in the garden (fingers crossed) and plenty of time spent eating chocolate. My mum would make us gorgeous baskets, complete with pastel ribbon and furry chicks. There would always be a Lindt bunny, nestled amongst eggs of all sizes. My sister and I would share our haul – half an egg each, plus one of the two extras included in the box. The ritual of picking an egg and splitting it in two would last a good week, if not longer.

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I can’t imagine eating that amount of chocolate now. Of course, holidays are the perfect time for treats and I’ll be sure to make the most of Mini Eggs season. But I can’t devour chocolate in the quantities I used to, it doesn’t appeal anymore. Perhaps because as I got older, chocolate became a comfort food to me. I would turn to it whenever I felt any emotion – sadness could be alleviated by chocolate, happiness could be doubled by it. I became over familiar with the sickly feeling after eating too much of it. I would also feel self-conscious, not good enough and ugly, due to the aftermath of acne that would inevitably spring up.

It took me awhile to break up with chocolate after I realised I was eating too much. It was no longer a holiday treat, I could get through a large bar every couple of days. It took me a good two years to stop bingeing on chocolate entirely, and I had set backs. I couldn’t say goodbye completely, I still eat it most days, but now it’s a square or two, not the whole block. And I enjoy every bite, it’s so satisfying to end a meal on a sweet note. I may have cut down on the quantity over the years, but the quality has certainly increased. I love a dairy-free truffle or a bar that is sweetened with coconut blossom nectar.

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Sometimes nostalgia creeps into my head and I think I should treat myself to a whole bar of one of my old favourites. But it doesn’t feel like a reward, it kind of feels like a food challenge, Woman vs. Chocolate (sounds like a very entertaining TV show). I will never regret my childhood enjoyment of Easter, but my adult self has learnt too many lessons to take a step backwards into over-eating. Like with a lot of foodie things, I don’t think you have to eat vast amounts to get pleasure from it. Good chocolate for me is definitely a case of less is more.

PS Thank you Lawrence for letting me use your Easter egg as a prop!

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9 thoughts on “I can’t eat chocolate like I used to

  1. Nice to hear what it’s like on the other side of the chocolate madness. I eat more now than I ever have before and I’m finding it so hard to cut down. I really want to get back to a more moderate relationship with it. One day at a time I guess!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You can definitely get through, I promise. Like you said, it’s one step at a time and gradually cutting back. I never thought I would be satisfied by just two squares, but I truly am nowadays 😊 Good luck on your journey!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Eating a lot of chocolate used to make my body quite confused: both feeling sickish, like you, yet craving for yet more sugar at the same time. I have become a lot more reasonable since my childhood, but still, chocolate is a very hard addiction to break. Even worse is that craving for sugar. “The mind is willing but the flesh is weak”…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I know exactly what you mean, I constantly have to remind myself that I like living low-sugar, that my body responds best to it. It can be a struggle, but one worth fighting for I think 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My Easter this year was very different, too, since I’ve been fully dairy-free for my autoimmune condition. Most chocolate that I liked before (even the stuff that’s labeled “dark chocolate”) has milk as the last ingredient. I know avoiding milk is good for my health, and peeps and jelly beans are pretty good, but I sure do miss my Cadbury eggs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I’m know I’m lucky that I can still indulge in nostalgia if I want to, sometimes Mini Eggs are just too tempting! I did well with being restrained this year, I had some chocolate egg on Easter Sunday, but I’ve stuck to small pieces of dark, dairy free since then and my body is thankful for it 😊

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